I am always in a rush


As I turn out this very brief note this morning, I am again running late. I overslept, missed my morning run, and felt sleep deprived when I woke up. Every night I think I will definitely go to bed earlier so I will pop out of bed feeling refreshed and wildly awake, ready for a wonderful day. Why can’t that happen? Doesn’t it happen like that for other people???

Anyway, I have had so many thoughts to share lately and the hours just pass me by, so I decided to just jot down a few this morning…late and all. 

I have realized of late how stressful this job can really be. Doesn’t that seem like I am completely stating the obvious?? I mean I have been an oncologist now for over 10 years, and yet this revelation has truly become the most painfully obvious to me only this week. I came home from work last night in somewhat of a trance as I realized the magnitude of what I have experienced and been a part of over the last couple of weeks….

While on vacation 2 weeks ago, I checked in on the computer with my office notes and discovered two of my long term patients have relapsed. When I got back in the office I found one of my patients admitted with a surgical emergency. In the office I have worked in 3 new patients with potentially devastating cancers, and I have seen ridiculously young people with newly diagnosed cancers. Things seem to not be making sense. Why is this happening?? 

This comes on the anniversary of a sad memory from a year ago when one of our running partners very unexpectedly collapsed during a Saturday run, leaving his sweet family to mourn his loss until they can rejoin him again one day in heaven. 

So I sense feeling frustrated and emotional and weary, and stressed. Patients are completely stressed and tension can run high in the clinic at times like these. 

Strangely though, I am exquisitely aware of His presence at the moment. I have looked in every direction and I see His work around me, in me, carrying me from first one place to another, putting me exactly where I am supposed to be. Patients are craving prayer. Other patients are “out of the blue” praising my efforts in what I do for others, and praying for me. My email is full of words of encouragement and “coincidentally” pertinent blogs from other believers about staying faithful and true to trust in God’s plan every day through all circumstances. 

Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

These are such simple words, which we have heard many times, but I let that soak in and pour over me especially on days like these. The busy-ness of this messy life can cloud our thoughts, cast shadows over our faith and crack our spirits. But look in the direction He takes you and run towards those places He wants you to be. His plan is perfect and so rewarding, and so miraculous. His mysterious ways are so glorious to our spirits. He moves us in ways that make no sense. The happiness He creates in us comes from situations we cannot predict. How can it be that I come home at night from all this sadness only to feel His presence warming my heart as if to say, “You did exactly what I wanted you to do today and I am glad with that.” Makes me so glad too. 

So my prayer today is that I will have a day just like yesterday. And the day before that. Not that my day will be easy, but that I will see where He wants me to be and I will run there. With excitement and willingness to do whatever I need to do. Even if it is hard. And stressful. And sad. Our time here is meant for His purpose and not our own. His grace is enough to get us through. 

“In The Palm Of Your Hand”

If I could have the world and all it owns
A thousand kingdoms, a thousand thrones
If all the earth were mine to hold
With wealth my only goal

I’d spend my gold on selfish things
Without the love that Your life brings
Just a little bit more is all I’d need
‘Til life was torn from me

I’d rather be in the palm of Your hand
Though rich or poor I may be
Faith can see right through the circumstance
Sees the forest in spite of the trees
Your grace provides for me

If I should walk the streets no place to sleep
No faith in promises You keep
I’d have no way to buy my bread 
With a bottle for my bed

But if I trust the One who died for me
Who shed His blood to set me free
If I live my life to trust in You
Your grace will see me through

I’d rather be in the palm of Your hand
Though rich or poor I may be
Faith can see right through the circumstance
Sees the forest in spite of the trees

If I could have the world
If I could have the world and all it owns ~ Alison Krauss In the Palm of Your Hand

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5 thoughts on “I am always in a rush

  1. You inspire me with you writings and help me to know that I am on a very crowded island (busy, stressed, etc) and not in a boat alone. We do not have a connection except through our faith and that is of course the most important connection of all. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I feel God has called you to your earthly work and we need more doctors like you! I’ll pray for your daily renewal to sustain you and lead you in this calling.

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  2. Heather you are really a great doctor and your words about your faith encourage so many. What you wrote today really touches my heart. I will add your name to my prayer list. Thank you for all you do.

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  3. I pray for you daily. I have entrusted my cancer to God, and am so thankful that He has entrusted my care to you. Thank you for being genuine, and for being faithful to what God has called you to do. Great is your reward.

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    1. Wonderful! Thanking God that you are hear with us! I have seen you in action and truly you with God give us the calming strength on the stormiest of days! Love you!

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